Infertile, and Smart Like Sheep

According to an ABC News investigative report, sheep may not be as stupid as previously thought. Conventional wisdom says sheep are the ultimate metaphor for unthinking, instinctive behavior. But apparently, not so. Researchers developed intelligence tests for sheep and—surprise!—they can actually learn to make good choices and work with their shepherds.

We can, too.

Infertility spurs a fair amount of unthinking, instinctive, sheep-like behavior. For my husband and me, that meant trying to do whatever seemed to be working for absolutely everyone else. No luck there. So, next up: old wives’ tales. Still no luck. So, we started buying ovulation predictor kits. Did it ever occur to us that no result meant no ovulating? Well…. truthfully? No. We’d stand in the bathroom staring at that stick. “Can you see anything?” “What does it mean if it doesn’t match the picture on the box?” “What should we do now?”

Very sheep-like.

Not knowing what to do, we kept looking for the flock. What was everybody else doing? What was everybody else trying? Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be an “everybody else.” As far as we could tell, we were the lone lost sheep—the only ones who’d somehow wandered way off the beaten path. We felt “…like sheep without a shepherd.” Like there was no one to show us where to go. What to do. How to get answers.

Those words—“like sheep without a shepherd”—come from scripture. They are actually a description of Jesus’ assessment of a crowd that gathered to see him. “They were like sheep without a shepherd” [Mark 6:34]. Clueless. “He had compassion on them,” the story continues, and “so, he began teaching them many things.”

That’s the good news. Sheep can learn. When they are motivated and paying attention, they can absorb relevant information. That’s what the ABC News story reported—and many, many years prior, that’s what Jesus knew.

When infertility makes it impossible to think clearly, to find the path, to catch up with the flock that seems to be having no trouble, the shepherd is available to help. He can teach things that enable the sheep to make good choices. They can learn to recognize the sound of his voice, to respond when he calls, to seek him when they are lost, and to expect his help whenever they are in trouble. They can learn to trust him.

It’s not too much to hope that we can be smart like sheep.

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Find more cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Shatter the Silence Around Infertility

Conceiving and carrying a baby to term is difficult for some of us—but not all. So, what does it mean to be singled-out for suffering? The church is oddly silent when it comes to addressing this question. Not just my church. All churches. They are all failing to provide insight... compassionate support… even just overt grace to those struggling to build a family. Instead, they offer silence.

Why?

In her review of Pregnant with Hope: Good News for Infertile Couples, E.W. Carter of the Regional Council of Churches writes, “Clergy don’t even know how to talk about infertility in the 21st century, [so] many of our faith communities are silent when confronted with the unfulfilled longing for a child.” Essentially, she’s saying the church is silent because the clergy are clueless.

Harsh? No offense intended, but she says it quite clearly, “They don’t even know how to talk about infertility….” Why would that be? There are few, if any, other topics on which the church—and those who speak for God through it—have nothing to say. What’s the problem?

Old habits die hard.

That’s part of the problem. For centuries, the church has been run by men. And, for just as long, infertility has been considered a woman’s failure. Only recently has medical research discovered that infertility is just as often caused by an issue with the prospective father’s health as with the prospective mother’s.

Now, women are in the pulpit and infertile men are in the pews. But the church hasn’t metabolized this new reality. No one’s teaching “How to Talk About Infertility” in divinity school. What’s stopping that change from coming?

Supply meets demand.

That’s the other part of the problem. No noise. No clamor for change. Until the silent give voice to their suffering, inertia will maintain the status quo. So, if we want messages of hope for those struggling with infertility to make their way to the pulpit, and from the pulpit into the hearts and minds of all those who don’t yet understand the good news of God’s faithfulness—even in the midst of infertility—we’ve got to speak up.

Are you with me?

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Find more cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com