Infertility Survey Says...

In a recent study of 200 women, a high correlation was found between those who said they were religious and those with low rates of anxiety/depression during fertility treatment. Lower rates of depression and anxiety correlate to higher pregnancy rates. So, it stands to reason that spiritual women should have more pregnancies.

-Newsweek, 3/24/08

In the beginning, when couples walk through the door to the infertility Bible study, the men look apprehensive, and the women, fragile to the point of tears. But that changes. Over the course of the study, they come to realize the wisdom of letting go of (the illusion of) control. They learn the value of being still and listening for God. And with that understanding comes peace in the midst of uncertainty.

I can literally see the change occur. Body language goes from self-protective – arms crossed, gazes averted, huddled close to their spouse – to open, relaxed, and receptive. The real change is occurring in the spirit, but it is reflected in the unspoken language of the body. That change indicates God’s growing presence, which creates new possibilities.

So, is the study right in its prediction that these increasingly spiritual women have more pregnancies? I’d have to say, yes. And no. Yes, because experience has shown me—again and again and again—that those who see infertility as an invitation to draw nearer to God, and who respond to that invitation, are likely to become parents. But no, because sometimes the result is not a pregnancy; sometimes, it is an adoption.

Here’s the important thing: that is no less a miracle.

I don’t say that as a Pollyanna. I’m not advocating, “be happy about failure,” or “suck it up and compromise.” I’m saying, make a paradigm shift. Recognize that, sometimes, God calls couples to steward a soul who comes into their life in a different way than they might have expected. That’s not defeat; that’s a different plan for victory. And it is no less a gift.

Are those couples disappointed? Truthfully?

“Alumni” couples often return to the Bible study to talk to current participants about their experiences. One entire class is devoted to hearing from adoptive parents. They speak with conviction about their certainty that their particular child belongs with them: “God chose him for us,” “We knew as soon as we held her that she was meant to be our daughter.” In some cases, they also share stories of the effect the adoption had on the birth parent(s).

With loving grace, I suggest to you: let go of your vision of how this story will unfold, and when. Give God as much room as possible to work in your story. He wants to give you His very best. He wants to create a pinwheel of blessing, and it may touch souls you don’t even know.

Will you make way for that possibility?

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Find more cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com

Infertile, and Smart Like Sheep

According to an ABC News investigative report, sheep may not be as stupid as previously thought. Conventional wisdom says sheep are the ultimate metaphor for unthinking, instinctive behavior. But apparently, not so. Researchers developed intelligence tests for sheep and—surprise!—they can actually learn to make good choices and work with their shepherds.

We can, too.

Infertility spurs a fair amount of unthinking, instinctive, sheep-like behavior. For my husband and me, that meant trying to do whatever seemed to be working for absolutely everyone else. No luck there. So, next up: old wives’ tales. Still no luck. So, we started buying ovulation predictor kits. Did it ever occur to us that no result meant no ovulating? Well…. truthfully? No. We’d stand in the bathroom staring at that stick. “Can you see anything?” “What does it mean if it doesn’t match the picture on the box?” “What should we do now?”

Very sheep-like.

Not knowing what to do, we kept looking for the flock. What was everybody else doing? What was everybody else trying? Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be an “everybody else.” As far as we could tell, we were the lone lost sheep—the only ones who’d somehow wandered way off the beaten path. We felt “…like sheep without a shepherd.” Like there was no one to show us where to go. What to do. How to get answers.

Those words—“like sheep without a shepherd”—come from scripture. They are actually a description of Jesus’ assessment of a crowd that gathered to see him. “They were like sheep without a shepherd” [Mark 6:34]. Clueless. “He had compassion on them,” the story continues, and “so, he began teaching them many things.”

That’s the good news. Sheep can learn. When they are motivated and paying attention, they can absorb relevant information. That’s what the ABC News story reported—and many, many years prior, that’s what Jesus knew.

When infertility makes it impossible to think clearly, to find the path, to catch up with the flock that seems to be having no trouble, the shepherd is available to help. He can teach things that enable the sheep to make good choices. They can learn to recognize the sound of his voice, to respond when he calls, to seek him when they are lost, and to expect his help whenever they are in trouble. They can learn to trust him.

It’s not too much to hope that we can be smart like sheep.

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Find more cause for hope at PregnantWithHope.com