Temporary (infertility) Insanity

Infertility causes temporary insanity. At least, that’s what I think. I say that not as the wife of a psychiatrist – who would vehemently disagree with my armchair diagnosis—but as someone who experienced it first-hand.

What’s my evidence? Let’s start with the single-minded obsession. The compulsive checking, tracking, monitoring, documenting, and comparing. The inability to concentrate on anything else. The mood swings. The drama. The tears. Should I continue? It would be easy to blame it all on the meds… but probably not accurate.

If you’ve been there—or if you’re there now—you know what I mean. There’s really no alternative, right? That’s just part of the deal when you’re going through infertility. Well… not so fast.

“Do you still not see and understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember?” Jesus asked these questions of the disciples when they seemed to miss the point of his lesson. Essentially, he was saying, “Do you still not have my perspective?”

He could just as easily be asking us.

What perspective is he talking about? See what? Hear what? Remember what?

In the midst of infertility, it’s easy (and common) to feel as if we can’t see or hear or remember anything… unless it’s related to having a baby. That’s all we can think about. Constantly. It’s all we can see: pregnant women everywhere. It’s all we can hear: everyone (but us) saying, “I’ve got great news!” It’s all we can remember: it hasn’t happened for me.

Our intensely-focused desire is all-consuming. But somehow, that focus doesn’t seem to help us get any closer to the goal. In fact, the obsession with getting—and staying—pregnant is actually making it harder to think clearly, see the big picture, and hear the good news.

Wait a minute. What good news?

“Do you still not see and understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember?” The good news is that God is eternal, unchanging and faithful. He is a promise-keeper who longs to use our circumstances for our benefit. The opportunity exists. And, the Bible says He will—if we will let Him. Trust that He is at work, and claim His promise: “…I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.’”

It’s the only real antidote to infertility insanity.

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